Losing You
by Pallet and Cerulean
Summary: "Some small part of her believed it was a memory, rather than a nasty nightmare, and that terrified her above all else. " Bishamon seeks out Kazuma after a nightmare. Rated T for a bit of violence, just to be safe.


Right before her eyes, metal sliced through flesh with ease, a sickening crunch coming when the blade bit into bone. Blood poured from the wound in his chest, a hot, metallic scent filling her nose while the deep crimson swam in her vision. His body crumpled to the ground, suddenly looking so broken and weak when, just moments before, he had stood resolutely in front of her, protecting her.

"Kazuma!" The cry rang out from her lips before she could stop it. Though, in an instant, she knew there was nothing to be done.

His name was ripped from her heart, the all too familiar agony of losing a shinki consuming her in a rushing wave. This was different though. She loved all of her shinki dearly, but Kazuma held a special place. And now, with the loss of him, a sharp, searing pain plunged into her chest, coursing violently out through her veins. Overwhelmed, she dropped to her knees beside him, trying to fight the aching in her throat and the burning behind her eyes. She had lost many before, but she couldn't lose him. She just couldn't.

* * *

Jolting from sleep, Bishamon frantically pulled herself upright, a panicked gaze searching her surroundings, trying to reorient herself. When the realization that she was safe in her room set in, it helped to settle her pounding heart. Fingers twisting in the soft sheets below, Bishamon fought to push down the cold fear that clawed at her mind and tightened her chest. It had been so long since she had last had a dream that real, that lucid. Even now, she couldn't truly convince herself that it was just a dream and hadn't happened. Some small part of her believed it was a memory, rather than a nasty nightmare, and that terrified her above all else.

Unable to quell the worry and dread tightly coiled in her chest, suffocating her, Bishamon pushed away the tangled sheets, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. The smooth flooring was icy against her bare feet, but she barely paid it any mind. Reflexively following the halls she had walked so many times, she turned the corner that lead her to Kazuma's room. Stopping in front of the plain door, she was suddenly frozen, anxieties flooding over her. What would she do if he wasn't there? What could she do? Steeling her nerves, Bishamon brought a shaky hand to the door, knocking quietly.

After what seemed to be an eternity, the door swung open with a soft creak, Kazuma standing on the other side, hair messy and eyes drowsy from sleep. "Veena?" He asked curiously, not accustomed to seeing her at the late hour.

Before she could even think of stopping herself, Bishamon had closed the space between herself and Kazuma, wrapping her arms around him. Taken by surprise, he stumbled back a few steps. Upon realizing what was happening, he immediately stiffened at her touch, cheeks flushing a light pink.

Letting out a shuddering breath of relief, Bishamon held him close, the steady beat of his heart assuring her that he was alive, his skin warm beneath her fingers. Slowly relaxing in her embrace, Kazuma slid his arms around her waist. He stepped back, sitting on the edge of his bed and easing Bishamon down with him.

"What happened?" Kazuma asked worriedly, noting how shaken she had looked.

Teeth sinking into her bottom lip, Bishamon hesitated for a moment, suddenly feeling insecure and vulnerable. She never let things bother her like this, but it was different this time. Kazuma was different to her, not just any shinki, and he meant too much to take any chances. "It was just a nightmare," she said quietly, voice sounding small and weak in her own ears. At her words, Kazuma tightened his hold on her, sympathetic. He knew how much his own mind could torment him, bringing up images of his worst fears and his worst regrets. He could scarcely imagine the horrors that haunted Bishamon's dreams, when she had been through so much worse than him.

"They killed you," Bishamon said sorrowfully, the words falling from her lips without thought, "and I couldn't do anything. You were protecting me and I failed you."

The more she said, the more she remembered, the more desperately she clung to him, like she was afraid he would disappear if she let him go. Balling the cottony fabric of his sleep shirt in her hands, Bishamon tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. "I'm so sorry, Kazuma," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

"It wasn't real," Kazuma assured, rubbing a hand in small, slow circles over her back, trying to calm her down. Brow creased with concern, Kazuma shifted his gaze to look at Bishamon, still wrapped in his arms. It was so rare that he saw her, Goddess of War, looking so small and vulnerable. Kazuma couldn't help but worry over her.

He could feel her breaths coming faster, lurching and shallow. He knew she was trying her best to keep from crying, to stay strong. "It's okay, Veena," Kazuma soothed, gently tucking her head under his chin, "you don't have to hold back." Letting out a shaky breath, she nodded against his chest.

Barely a moment later, there were tears soaking into his shirt, dampening the fabric. A small, broken sob spilled over her lips, muffled by his chest. It hurt Kazuma's heart, knowing that, in some odd way or another, he was responsible for her misery. Even if it was just in a nightmare of her own creation, he hated himself for hurting her, for leaving her. Though, what really scared him was that fact that he knew he would never hesitate to sacrifice himself if it meant saving her. He could never live with himself if he let Bishamon die, regardless of her ability to reincarnate.

Pulling him from his thoughts, Bishamon took in a deep breath, body trembling. "Losing you was unbearable," she cried, voice a broken whisper.

Smoothing a hand over her long, blonde hair, Kazuma attempted to offer what little comfort he could, trying to clear his mind as well. It was so hard to believe that he held any value, especially to someone like Bishamon, a God of Fortune with so many powerful shinki. He was nothing more than an earring. He was not worthy of her love and affection, but he longed for it so much that it hurt and he treasured every touch, every kind word. Sometimes, she could almost convince him that he really was important, irreplaceable even. Though, reality always came rushing back sooner or later.

So, even with her arms desperately wrapped around him, putting so much worth into him, Kazuma had to remember his place. He would comfort her with all he had, make her feel better, doing his duty as a loyal shinki and exemplar, but nothing more. All the unsaid words, longing glances, fleeting touches, and desperate emotions would have to be locked deep in his heart, for her sake.

"Can I stay here?" Bishamon asked gently, her voice watery. She lifted her head from Kazuma's chest, finding his gaze. Her normally bright violet eyes looked dull and glassy from crying, red rimming their edges. Tears still welled beneath her irises, threatening to spill again.

Though his cheeks flushed pink at the thought of sharing his bed with her, Kazuma couldn't refuse. She looked so lost and broken, any notion of her fierce spirit gone, her eyes pleadingly searching his. With a slight nod, Kazuma eased back, drawing himself out of Bishamon's embrace. He settled under the covers while she did the same, sliding closer until she could lay her head comfortably on his chest. The soft rise and fall of his breaths calmed her still-worried heart, reassuring her. She knew he was there, and that he wasn't going to leave her. He was the only one who never left her. Kazuma was always there for her, no matter how bad things got.

Always.


End file.
